So the Tampa Bay Bucs treated the Kansas City Chiefs the same way Captain America treats bad guys. Hey, no problem. There’s always next year. And there’s nothing wrong with the Chiefs that replacing the entire offensive line and coaching staff can’t fix. Don’t buy into all that stuff about Patrick Mahomes suddenly looking mortal. The young Mr. Mahomes isn’t the villain in this sorry little episode. As we used to say when the St. Louis Rams were offering up Kurt Warner like sliced salami to defensive rushes, look to the offensive line. Or the lack os same.
The Bucs defense spent more time in the Chiefs backfield than Mahomes did. And that’s because he was constantly running for his life. The Chiefs’ offensive line was the politest in history, waving to Miami’s guys and yelling “Hiya, how ya doin?” as they went by. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the Chiefs failed to protect Mahomes, even though I’m pretty sure I saw a K.C. player point at him a couple of times and yell, “He’s over there!”
On the other hand, it could be that the Chiefs’ finances are so strained by paying Pat Mahomes Kansas City’s entire GDP for the next ten years, they had no choice but to raid local junior colleges for the offensive line. Seriously, though, all kidding aside—and I’m not kidding—the Chiefs offensive line was so lost and confused the entire game, (notice how I graciously avoided saying the words like BAD, & AWFUL), I expected to see Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels run onto the field in Chiefs uniforms.
You’d think Miami was playing 15 guys on defense. Wait a minute. Were they? Was this some kind of deep state Roger Goodell conspiracy to fix football games while simultaneously running sex slave rings on the back side of the moon? Maybe we should check with the Qanon folks. Honestly, every time Patrick took a snap I got flashbacks of Paul Newman and Robert Redford running out the door of that hut into the entire Bolivian army.
And where did Kansas City get this apparently entirely new offensive line for the Super Bowl. I mean, I love Andy Reid, but I knew the Chiefs were in trouble when I read the backs of the OL jerseys and saw the names: Howard, Fine, Howard, Martin, Lewis, Abbott, Costello. Oh well. It’s just a game. And if I seem a little wacky, who can blame me? Wackiness is all Tom Brady and the Bucs defense has left us Kansas City fans. Congratulations to them. There is no joy today in Mudville.
We won’t have to worry about Tom Brady for too much longer, though. I have it on good authority he has promised to retire when he hits 65.